Israel Unconfounded As Nobody Wins Election.

February 13, 2009

Jerusalem

It was business as usual yesterday in Israel as people came to terms with the idea that once again, nobody had won the election.

Asher Bloch, who likes to fly powerkites on the beach in Netanya while wearing nothing but a deep tan and skimpy swimming trunks said “We prefer it when people lose elections, not win. If they win they can tell the rest of us what to do. Israeli’s don’t like to be told what to do by anyone so we try to make sure they all lose”.

A Knesset insider told our reporter that they were hopeful of a satisfactory solution to the problem and negotiations were taking place in secret between party leaders with a view to ensuring that there would be at least two years more of political gridlock before another election.

“At the moment the sticking point is with the religious groupings who are fighting amongst themselves over which of the mainstream parties’ coalitions they want to oppose. It’s difficult for them because they are worried that they may end up in the Government when they would prefer to be causing trouble from the sidelines.”

Asked to explain further, the insider said “Israeli’s are much happier when they are telling other people they are wrong than when they are trying to do something positive. In our political system the objective is not to be part of the government, but to be part of the opposition. This is much more natural for Israelis.”

In order to make it as fair as possible Israel has a unique electoral system known as disproportional representation. Simply put, the less support you have the greater your influence. The perfect election outcome for Israel would be for a coalition of 61 single-seat parties representing about 89 voters forming a government while leaving the other 59 seats comprising the mainstream parties. This ideal would provide for the maximum amount of “told you so-ing” across the nation and would, almost certainly, make the Israeli people happier than they have ever been in their short history.

Sadly there is little hope of that this time around as it looks as if at least one of the main parties is going to be forced to form a government. The big question is, which one has the ability to annoy just enough of the minor groups to pull together a block that just slips below the required 60 seats therefore ensuring the strongest opposition possible?

It’s hoped that if all goes smoothly, we still won’t know the answer to that for at least two months.

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