New incentives for those making aliyah announced.

February 18, 2010

The Israeli Government has announced a new scheme aimed at encouraging diaspora Jews to take up their “right to return”  and emigrate to Israel.

Minister for Immigrant Absorption, Sofa Landver, announced the incentives this week saying:

“In spite of international criticism, the Government of Israel is committed to its policy of fighting our enemies on all fronts.  The doors remain open for a diplomatic solution, our military and intelligence operations continue to protect our nation, and we have always seen immigration as playing a crucial role in ensuring that Israel remains a vibrant and safe haven for all Jews.”

The Yisrael Beiteinu MK continued, “The new initiative I am pleased to announce today takes the unprecedented step of offering new immigrants the opportunity to make aliyah and in return we will make it possible for them to travel to other parts of the world without having to leave their home.  This wonderful opportunity has been made possible after months of careful planning between the Ministry of Immigrant Absorption and another government organisation that, at this time, prefers to be unnamed.”

When asked if that unnamed department was intelligence agency, Mossad, a government spokesman stepped in to say “There is no evidence that the Israeli Government had anything to do with the death of Mahmoud al-Mabhouh, if that’s what you’re getting at”.

So far, only Dubai has been named as one of the places new Olim will be visiting, or at least, some recent immigrants had visited Dubai.  It’s not known if there will be further opportunities to go there, however, Ms Landver stressed that it was likely that some would be able to stay at home while visiting the Palestinian Territories and there’s every chance they’d be able to go nowhere while on missions, correction, holiday in places as far away as Egypt, Jordan, and Lebanon.

Please, not Miliband

June 4, 2009

Well, it looks like there’s a distinct possibility that there’s a chance that maybe, just maybe, Gordon Brown will be forced to consider stepping down.

And if all those maybe, might, possiblies happen then who will take his place as the Leader of the Opposition Elect? Please let it not be the member for South Shields.  If there’s one thing more difficult to cope with that a Jew in a position of such political seniority, then it’s a lapsed Jew.

Jews in such situations are an excuse for that passive, whispered antisemitism in the media:  the passing references to Eastern European heritage; the mention of families escaping the Nazis, etc.  Mostly, however, they’re not bothered, and just get on with doing whatever they’re doing, happy to mention their Jewish connections if it suits them, but usually without too much fuss.  It’s just the press and the far right that like to make something of it, especially when there’s controversy in the air.

Lapsed or rejecting Jews are more of a problem to us because they feel a deep insecurity about their background and therefore go out of their way to demonstrate how unattached they are.  One way to do this is to kick Israel.  Miliband is certainly up for this and he has done so whenever he could reasonably get away with it since Tony Blair went on his never-ending cash generating, sorry, speaking tour.  In fact the only time he appears to have been nice to Israel is when he visited just around the time when the rocket attacks were at their most frequent.  Difficult not to be nice under those circumstances, eh?

Miliband is clearly a man in possession of a brilliant mind; they don’t call him Brains for nothing.  However, being uncomfortable with his Jewish blood, his judgment is distorted against Jews.  He’s no good for us and I hope he doesn’t get the big job.

If, that is, in the unlikely…you know,  shhh.

Look what they done to my song, Ma!

December 26, 2008

Before you read this piece, I want it to be known that I do not watch The X Factor. I watched the closing stages of it last night, but only because I had been told that one of my favourite songs was to be sung by the finalists. The song is Hallelujah, a Leonard Cohen composition. It is beautiful and moving. More than anything, it is imbued with Judaism.

Knowing something about the pop industry today (for “pop industry”, read Simon Cowell), I had very low expectations for the way the two finalists, a boy band and a girl belter, would render the song, and yet I was still appalled at the way it was butchered and abused. If Hallelujah were a pet, the RSPCA would be calling for Cowell to be banned from keeping animals for the rest of his life.

As I watched the performances, the hairs on the back of my neck stood up at the crassness of it all. Children singing a grown up song like this is just wrong. It was like turning up for the school concert and hearing the choir singing a version of “Je t’aime (moi non plus)”.

Even more upsetting is that the song has now been appropriated as a festive song. It’s almost certain to be at number 1 in the charts this Christmas and it shouldn’t be. Just because it’s called “Hallelujah” they decided to add some bells to it, so to speak, and turn it into a gospel carol. On the set of the show the singers performed before a big pine tree with a star atop, in the shape of a great big cross. They stole it. It’s a Jewish song. Hallelujah is a Jewish word. It’s a song about David and Saul. It’s about Bathsheba, Samson and Delilah and God. And sex. It’s about as far from a Christmas song as you can get.

The only saving grace for this tawdry affair is that Leonard Cohen is set to make about a million quid from it and he deserves it for such a masterpiece. Simon Cowell, on the other hand, ought to be ashamed, but instead he’ll be wringing his hands at a Christmas windfall he doesn’t deserve.Then again, he don’t really care for music, do he?

Originally posted December 14th 2008